Dunkin Donecianism In a Nutshell

Understanding The Fulfillments

Holiday Cheer

Our Gingerbread Solstice is fast approaching.

Every year Dunkin Donecians celebrate the winter time on December 22nd!

Celebrate by having a meal of all the new holiday drinks and pastries served at Dunkin.

While you have your extremely delicious meal, The Bean will drop of presents of joy and blissfulness for all underneath your coffee pot!

Dunkin' Donecianism celebrates three other holidays as well. They all correlate with  the delicious seasonal products we all like to eat and drink!

The Pumpkin Equinox: September 22nd

The Blueberry Equinox: March 20th

The Coolata Solstice: June 20th

Teach me how to Dougie! (DUNKIN STYLE)

The DAILY Walk of Donecian Faith

Faith is not an easy process, but if you truly believe in the Blissful Aroma, the rewards of faith in this one and only truth will be immense in the afterlife where we will be able to taste the sweetness of satisfaction and happiness in Dunkin products. But how you ask? How do we walk this daily walk of faith? How do are we supposed to enjoy this earthly fulfillment in coffee and coolatas? 

HOW you drink Dunkin coffee and HOW you dunk your doughnut is a testament to how deep your faith in Donecianism is. This indicated how conservative/orthodox one is in their Donecian faith. The stricter one adheres to these rules, the more rooted they are in our theology. Our main ritual of passage is drinking coffee religiously in the morning, every morning. Once you order your coffee, you must refrain from drinking it as an energy kick-start or supplement. It is the greatest Donecian sin to abuse the perfect concoction of coffee as a caffeine boost. The right way, the way our god--the Blissful Aroma--intended it to be taken is meditatively, breathing in the aroma, ENJOYING the coffee and savoring the holy provision from the Dunkin god. 

Another ritual of passage is tithing. This is to be done upon receiving your daily provision of Dunkin treats in the form of paying for your coffee. doughnut, coolata, etc. to the cashier. The greater, philanthropic Donecians even donate to the greater cause of Donecianism by being generous in the tip jar. 

Evangelism is also a very important component of Donecianism. Part of the joy of being a part of this faith and knowing the goodness that only our god can provide is the natural response to share this kind of joy with others. By buying big cases/boxes of doughtnuts and Boxes of Joe's, you are spreading the inner happiness and fulfillment only Dunkin foods can provide, allowing others to dive into the blissful religious experience with you.

Dunkin Donut Luvin: Time Square Edition

The Creation Story

The Blissful Aroma of the Dunkin Donecians created a utopia pastry, completely filled with an ideal community of perfect people, animals, and plants.

The Starbucks mermaid planted an evil seed at the core of the pastry, causing the core to slowly become adulterated with evil.

EVIL STARBUCKS MERMAID!!

To counteract this, The Blissful Aroma punched a hole through the center of the pastry separating the rotten core from the rest of the immaculate pastry. What remained of the pastry we call The Donut Halo, or Halo for short.

The core, also known as Earth, created a center hole in the pastry and settled distant from the Halo. The Earth will not reunite with the Halo until The Blissful Aroma

The ultimate goal of society and mankind is to become Dunkin Donecians and reach infinite fulfillment by pleasing The Blissful Aroma who will place true Donecians on the Halo after death, and false believers into a burning coffee pot. Those on The Halo experience infinite fulfillment, awaiting the day that the Earth (the core) reunites with the Halo, filling up the hole in the Donut. That in itself is ultimate fulfillment.