“It all started on a rainy morning at 4 AM. I had been in the field for 10 days. Cold, tired, and hungry, I was getting ready to set out on another 5 hour land navigation exercise. I had just been given my disgusting MRE for breakfast, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a truck (looking back on that day the truck must have been a manifestation of the Bean, the Son of Blissful Aroma) that I had never previously seen. As it loomed nearer and nearer, I saw that it held about 10 boxes of Dunkin’s Box of Joe’s in its truck bed. A bliss and happiness I had never felt before surged through me. It was as if The Blissful Aroma had spoken to me. Ever since that fateful day, I am a believer of Dunkin Donecianism. Every time I smell, see, or take a long glorious sip of Dunkin Coffee, I feel liberated from the burdens of everyday life. I am still in mysterious awe of the power of the Blissful Aroma. It changed my life.”
- From Sarah Funk's bestselling novel, Donecianism and the Art of Dunkin
Jeremiah Cioffi, another known writer is also a believer of Dunkin Donecianism, below is his conversion experience:
“My conversion came during our Army ROTC Field Training Exercise during early spring of 2010. We arrived at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts on a Friday afternoon. That night the temperature was 35 degrees and a heavy rain was falling. We slept “under the stars” with only sleeping bags to shield us from the elements. I was immediately soaked and shivered uncontrollably. It was a long, dark night. The next day was spent wandering around in the woods for 14 hours with 40 pounds on our backs. Most of us wanted nothing more than to be warm for a few seconds. That night was just as awful as the first, as the temperature dipped below freezing. I cannot express the misery I experienced in words. However, the next day changed my life forever. I was hunkered down in a defensive position when down the road walked a prophet in the form of one of our officers. He was carrying a “Box o’ Joe” and just beaming. After my first sip I knew I had been saved by the Blissful Aroma. The warmth flooded through me, reaching my extremities instantly. I am now at a point in my faith where nothing can take me away from the Blissful Aroma. It is my duty to spread Bean’s magnificence to others so they too can know what it is to be saved.
- From Jeremiah Cioffi's article in the New York Times titled "Finally Saved"
Jeremiah Cioffi, another known writer is also a believer of Dunkin Donecianism, below is his conversion experience:
“My conversion came during our Army ROTC Field Training Exercise during early spring of 2010. We arrived at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts on a Friday afternoon. That night the temperature was 35 degrees and a heavy rain was falling. We slept “under the stars” with only sleeping bags to shield us from the elements. I was immediately soaked and shivered uncontrollably. It was a long, dark night. The next day was spent wandering around in the woods for 14 hours with 40 pounds on our backs. Most of us wanted nothing more than to be warm for a few seconds. That night was just as awful as the first, as the temperature dipped below freezing. I cannot express the misery I experienced in words. However, the next day changed my life forever. I was hunkered down in a defensive position when down the road walked a prophet in the form of one of our officers. He was carrying a “Box o’ Joe” and just beaming. After my first sip I knew I had been saved by the Blissful Aroma. The warmth flooded through me, reaching my extremities instantly. I am now at a point in my faith where nothing can take me away from the Blissful Aroma. It is my duty to spread Bean’s magnificence to others so they too can know what it is to be saved.
- From Jeremiah Cioffi's article in the New York Times titled "Finally Saved"
Thus, Donecianism brings inner happiness, peace, and bliss. All Donecians experience a transcendent feeling of security, an omnipresent sense of calmness in relation to the world. As long as you follow the simple codes and remain faithful, Blissful Aroma will never fail you. If you stay true to your belief in it, you will find the will to go on with every sip of Coffee, every slurp of a Coolatta, and every bite of a donut.
No, the mysteries of the world will not be revealed to you, but you will find you no longer have the need to discover them.
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